"You don't have to be good at something for it to be good for you" - a sign at an art center for artists who are living with disabilities.

We may judge ourselves and think we are not good at our grief, and that others are better at it. However each of us is not better or worse.  Each of us is unique.

Grief is our own personal, incomparable expression of  love and sorrow - no one else's. It is our own unique way to incorporate our loss into our lives, and to move forward in our lives. It is good for us. Let's change the "something" to grief: "You don't have to be good at grief for it to be good for you."

We are learning that natural disasters do not stand alone. The fires in Canada  affect all of us, particularly those who live on the East Coast of the US.

The earth's changing terrain and atmosphere are a source of fear:
     Fear that life will not be the same;
     Fear that things will get worse;
     Fear that we will forget, or deny, and will continue to live in the same way;
   Fear that this is the endgame, and that the end of a habitable earth will happen in our lifetime, not in a distant future.
      Fear that we won't make it.

This sounds like grief.  Grief is real, and is with us a lot these days.  It is not a place that we get stuck in, but a process that we participate in. We identify what is going on, we deal with it in all the ways that we can, and we move forward into the future.

Natural disasters help us to connect with one another. Use this current situation as a time to connect with family and friends, and even strangers. Some of the best human behaviors happen during sudden natural events. Reaching out helps others, and it can also help you.

Don't be afraid of fear. Fear helps us to focus on what needs to be done. We need to clean up the planet. That's a big challenge. Free-flowing chronic fear will not help us, others or the planet. Find ways that you can help the planet as an individual - composting, using less plastic, turning off the lights, conserving resources, talking with others, voting for those who support positive climate change action. The energy that you put forth and the sense of helping that you feel, add to the good energy needed today.

Remember that we are in trouble. It is easy to forget. Out of respect for the planet, for one another, and for future generations, remember.

Let us search for and act upon solutions individually and collectively.  Remember the solutions.

Practice gratitude for our beloved Mother Earth.

It is natural to think about your loved one. Thinking can intensify your grief. Here are some thought about thinking, and how you can  harness its power.

Think. It is natural to think about your loved one - the memories you shared, the conflicts you  had, some resolved, some not. It is natural that you will think about your loved one as you go through the rooms in your house, and the streets in your town. Every place has many reminders and many memories. It is natural to think about events leading up to the death and then the death  and to think about the entire relationship. Each part of your relationship is included in your loss. In time, thinking about your loved one will bring healing, and times of joy too.

Stop thinking. Grief takes a lot of energy. Taking breaks from your grief is helpful, and revitalizes you.  Here are some ideas. Take a walk in Nature. Open a window, and take in breaths of  fresh air. Meditate - a way to calm those thought waves. Write in your journal - yet another way to slow down your thinking. Breathe in deeply, and sigh it out. Go for a swim, or a jog. Rent a movie. Call a friend. Be with a friend. Go to a museum - viewing art can be healing. 

If you can't get to sleep, here are some ideas:

1. ​Go to the bed at the same time every night.
2. Avoid fear producing and anger producing conversations before bedtime.
3. Avoid reading things that are worrisome or scary before you go to sleep (instead read a poem or an inspirational reading).
4. Watch the news early in the evening (not the 11 pm news).
5. Although exercise is good for you, complete your exercise before 8 pm (after 8 pm, it may energize your body and may inhibit sleep).
6. Don't eat a meal close to your bedtime.
7. Monitor your caffeine and alcohol intake.

If you can't stay asleep and find yourself awake between the hours of 2 and 5 am, try sitting up in bed. When we are lying down, we are in a vulnerable position.  Just sitting up gives us a different perspective, a different energetic feeling, and we can feel powerful, ready to:

1. Take some deep slow breaths which put us into a relaxing meditative state quickly.
2. Meditate for a short time.
3. Journal about what we are experiencing.
4. Open the window to let in some fresh air (even if it is cold, the fresh natural air can connect us with all of life).
5. Open a door to feel closer to nature (not necessarily possible in a high rise or in a neighborhood where we may not feel safe).
6. Make a list of things we need to do the next day or in the future. Frequently what keeps us up is the daunting knowledge that we have too much to do.  Writing a list can help.
7. Drink a warm cup of water or milk.

When we do these things, we are slowing down our active mind, and calming our body.

Grief and all of its manifestations are part of the human design. Grief is very important and has the capability to uplift us, change us, and yes, unite us. When you go through your own individual grief process and when you come to the point where you can move on easefully in your life, you may not recognize that you are an inspiration to others in their own lives. This has been my experience, and I’d like you to know that your inner journey has an effect on others in your community. In my work, I provided bereavement support to newly widowed spouses. I would be uplifted by their courage. I would be intrigued by their search for meaning. I would be inspired by their ability to just put one foot in front of the other and live their lives.

The aloneness of grief makes grief hard. Even if you are in the same family, each of you will grieve differently. You are alone because you are unique. Yet, at the same time, you are not alone because we are all together.

Many years ago, after my mother died, I wasn’t sure how I would make it. I remember driving down the street and noticing people in their cars and walking on the sidewalks. Many of them looked like they were of the age that probably their mothers had died, but they were driving along, walking along, and participating in life. If they could do it, I would, too. I had no idea who they were, but they inspired me to turn the corner and move through life with a little more cheerfulness and lightheartedness.

None of those people knew I was watching them and noticing them. In that very alone moment for me, we were all together. May it be so for you!

​(page 189, Harnessing the Power of Grief)